If only all brides knew what a marriage could possibly look like several years down the road, they’d have a lot less glowing nuptial photographs. Or maybe not knowing is actually a good thing. Otherwise, no one would dare walk down the aisle.
About 45% of marriages in the U.S. end up in divorce. While this figure is shocking, it should in no way mean that yours is doomed to go that way, too. In fact, before you contact a company that specializes in serving subpoenas in New York City, why don’t you sit back and consider some ways you can keep your marriage afloat, even in its most trying times.
Have you tried being wrong?
Pride, rearing its ugly head everywhere, is just as vicious in a marriage. When two spouses refuse to back down and give way, they have nothing short of a locked horn battle. Nothing gives way in a situation when both of you want to be right all the time. And while it is indeed tremendously gratifying to be correct in any given situation, it is doing your marriage no favors. It doesn’t even do you any good. It’s just ego, inflated and smug.
Try being wrong. Try letting your spouse win. Once you get the hang of being “wrong,” it really is not that a big deal. For the sake of your marriage, it’s actually tiny.
Have you tried saying sorry?
Could “sorry” really be a magic word as we have taught generations and generations of kids? Why is it that we as adults have a mighty difficult time saying it? Does it make you look weak, or does it go back to number one and proves that you are wrong? If we could all just practice saying sorry after hurting our spouses, maybe many marriages could be saved.
Again, this is an ego problem. And while you think you are saving face by refusing to soften your heart and saying sorry, doesn’t it make more sense to try to save your marriage instead?
Have you tried counseling?
Too many couples throw in the towel before even agreeing to see a marriage specialist or a counselor. There is danger in not allowing a third party to see how you’re handling your marriage from their point of view, which usually includes the whole picture. When you keep problems in your marriage to yourself, you tend to lock yourself in a prison cell wherein you see yourself as a victim, and the only thing you want is to bust out of prison.
Maybe you need someone to come in and tell you why you are there in the first place. Maybe you need to correct some behavior so that when you come out, you are better equipped to handle it.
Yes, most of the steps here call for a deep inner working on yourself—that’s where most problems occur anyway. Sometimes, it’s not really even your spouse that has a problem. It could be just you. So take problems in a marriage as a time to examine yourself fully how you can learn from this argument. What can you do to improve yourself? Take each turmoil as a chance to come out of the situation as a better person or a better spouse.
